Harry Potter awoke in a pit that reeked of hot sauce. He could feel viscous fluid under his fingernails, burning the tender skin. Everywhere were white bags bulging with foul product. They were diapers stuffed with chicken bones and hot sauce, their foul odor blossoming in the muffled dark. Harry's nostrils begged his brain for mercy. He flew upwards, away from the saucy mysteries below. The smell grew faint, calling him to return. Harry ignored their lies, flying beyond the lips of his prison. He was in a laboratory, with machines that had no purpose beyond blinking lights and soft hums.
"Hello, my boy son! You make a father so good!"
Harry had flown out of the nose of an old man. This man wore a white coat, yet was drawn by the hand of an idiot. His voice came not from his mouth, but from elsewhere, a sad attempt at humanity.
"I know you'll do so well! Now you choose!
The man reached into his coat and laid out three diapers, each brimming with the spicy bones of the nose prison. He removed his head and stuck it on a spike on the counter, to keep it from rolling away. The diapers began to stir as creatures clawed out of bony wombs. Arrayed before Harry was a turtle, the reptilian body so frail that it seemed an afterthought to the shell, a bald weasel with toothpicks for legs, and a wrinkled thumb in a glass of water. The old man's head called out from the spike.
"Everyone has one! Make your best friends for life!"
Harry drank the glass of thumb water and spat the thumb at the old man's head.
Harry had found some food. It was guarded by three and a million thousandsurf ninjas, for it was the last food on Surf Ninja Moon X. The ecology had been decimated by surf ninjas, so the last food was a cabbage and mustard sandwich. Harry squatted in the ruins of a castle which had been many skulls arranged to resemble one large one. It had been poorly done, with the cheeks fading into an amateurishly executed jaw line. The silent killers of the night had negated their innate advantage by only plying their craft on surf boards. During the day.
Harry was about to eat his cabbagewich when a man in a tuxedo appeared from behind nothing much. He stood ten feet tall and his head seemed wrapped in unwrappable darkness.
"I am Rape Radbury. I write critically acclaimed fiction that always turns into fact. That's why I have more money than anyone."
Harry dug a bit of cartilage out of the cabbagewich and continued chewing.
"Would you care to discuss one of my books? I hear that my..."
Harry fished out another bit of cartilage. It was a cartilage and mustard sandwich.
"You shouldn't believe what everyone says about me. I took a shower with my cousin, once. And I have racist thoughts."
A nibbet of yellow cartilage landed on Rape's shoe. He thought about his cousin.
Not a rape ape, but the rape ape, the last of his kind after the subjugation of the rapeforest. His people once graced the canopy, their penile digits proudly grasping the vines as they swung through the night, their hundreds of sweaty simian dongs trailing a now-fetid memory in the rape ape's watering eye. As his ocular ducts began to well with ancestral pride, so too did the countless meaty members sprouting from the rape ape's every hairy inch. From his eye sockets, ear holes, even his calloused toes, a penile font of cry-juice birthed a deluge.
Harry observed this with consternation, as he was tied to a table. Neither magic nor supracosmic strength would free him from his bonds. Had this creature access to an unknown material of deistic strength? Or did the rape ape have a secret yet more baffling?
Harry squinted so he could see the subatomic strings of the ropes. He began tossing antimatter at them with his mind as a group of children entered the rape ape's hiding place. They were well-groomed and impeccably attired, and there were 5.8 of them, just enough to represent an array of genders and races that would leave no one unhappy, save for the Eskimos. They were on their own, as far as the rape ape was concerned.
"Why do you cry, rape ape?" asked child 3.2.
The rape ape, unwilling to hide its greasy primate cock tears, hung its head, and gravity coaxed the eye wangers downward. It tied them together into a bow atop its head, to be pretty for its guests.
"We are bound in this ligature of lingam, brother rape ape," said child 4.6.
The children surrounded rape ape, holding their hands, and began to sing. Harry was transfixed as he watched the children, gently swaying with the song, float skyward. The little ones began to orbit the rape ape, who was convulsing as though stricken by the seizure devil. As the song increased in tempo the childflesh bubbled and merged into a spinning wonder turbine. The fleshy kidmass sprouted hair and groin dribblers just like the rape ape, and sprayed confetti into skies of past and future, setting the constellations aflame with the opalescent of the perished rape apes. An explosion of color and hair left Harry Potter alone and still bound. He thought about sandwiches. Harry Potter awoke in a pit that reeked of hot sauce. He could feel viscous fluid under his fingernails, burning the tender skin. Everywhere were white bags bulging with foul product. They were diapers stuffed with chicken bones and hot sauce, their foul odor blossoming in the muffled dark. Harry's nostrils begged his brain for mercy. He flew upwards, away from the saucy mysteries below. The smell grew faint, calling him to return. Harry ignored their lies, flying beyond the lips of his prison. He was in a laboratory, with machines that had no purpose beyond blinking lights and soft hums.
"Hello, my boy son! You make a father so good!"
Harry had flown out of the nose of an old man. This man wore a white coat, yet was drawn by the hand of an idiot. His voice came not from his mouth, but from elsewhere, a sad attempt at humanity.
"I know you'll do so well! Now you choose!
The man reached into his coat and laid out three diapers, each brimming with the spicy bones of the nose prison. He removed his head and stuck it on a spike on the counter, to keep it from rolling away. The diapers began to stir as creatures clawed out of bony wombs. .
Arrayed before Harry was a turtle, the reptilian body so frail that it seemed an afterthought to the shell, a bald weasel with toothpicks for legs, and a wrinkled thumb in a glass of water. The old man's head called out from the spike.
"Everyone has one! Make your best friends for life!"
Harry drank the glass of thumb water and spat the thumb at the old man's head. Severus Snapplebottom began his life as a hand on which were perched each of the five first presidents of a country called America. The first two presidents, Geheb and Swonash, were turned into ashes by a passing wave of fast food regulation. Their ashes were consumed by children in various Wendy's establishments. Each plastic packet was a coffin for their memory, and no one knew their name, even though they were listed on the ingredient list. These children became soldiers in wars fought for control of who had all the bullets. Whoever shot the most bullets the fastest won.
The third president, Wahooley, went to a country that was nothing but a desert with half buried turkeys. Sometimes turkey butts were above the sand, sometimes a leg, or a head. Wahooley tripped and fell into a turkey head, where he was eaten and ordained as a rabbi. He was sent to trim the beards of 157 toads, whose beards were absorbing the water that was used for the next year's crop of shovels. Without these shovels, the peasants would be unable to shovel the ashes of their children from the bullet wars. Wahooley took these beards and formed a lasso. This lasso was a ropey wonder. He used it to tear off his penis and write the 13 commandments of America upon a passing eagle, in cock's blood:
Harry Potter lay, dreaming. In his mind there is a hat, suspended. It comes unhinged, travelling beyond the dream. The hat finds a sunlit hill, studded with flowers and children gorging themselves on chocolate. Chewing faces are smeared with brown residue. Perched atop the hill on its brim, the hat is still. It rolls down the hill, skating between the chocolate-stuffed children. It comes to one child, and stops. Without chocolate, the child stares blankly at its neighbors, filled with emptiness. The hat points its empty bottom at the child and sprays a glittering beam of rainbows. They encircle the child's hands, transforming them into chocolate. Tears of joy streak down the child's smile as it begins eating its hands. The hat flies into the sky. The child waves a brown stump.
The hat ascends to a palace of clouds. Within, God, bearded and weeping, sits beside a mountain of tiny angels. One by one, he picks them up and tears off their wings. He then places them into separate baskets. The hat approaches god, and the rainbow is deployed. It encircles God's crotch. A giant chocolate phallus emerges from God's robes. Dropping his broken angel, he breaks off a piece of his candy member and smears it on his lips. With a chocolate-studded smile, he slowly raises his fist and gives the hat a thumbs-up.
The hat travels into space. It finds itself before the sun. It is a tiny dot before the immensity of the cosmic fire. The hat trembles. A tremendous rainbow issues forth, embracing the sun like a wedding vow. The fire cools and deadens. A chocolate tidal wave roars from its poles and meets at the center. On earth, the skies blacken. The flowers turn to dust. Humanity expires silently, like an infant in its crib. The hat drifts through space, dreamless.
>>120100483 You are so visibly upset, that you need to create shitpost on our glorious board in an attempt to raise your self worth.
Come at me you plebian. I am the fucking pinnacle of man, both body and mind. I attend an Ivy league university, completely payed off by scholarships, with the leftover money used to buy myself a luxury vehicle. My grade point average is perfect point O. After I finish my dual bachelors I will be accepted straight away into the doctorate program. I will have two doctorate degree's by age twenty-five, owe zero debts, and make more money a year than you will in a lifetime. The funny thing is, this is the average /a/ browser. There are many who far surpass me.
Of course, knowing this, you figure the only way to attack me is the only way you know how, using words of which the meaning escapes you, insult some genre of game no one on this board plays, and using our own image macros to mock yourself.
You forgot your "My face when" by the way, the text suits you perfectly.
Go ahead and reply, doing so only proves my point to such an extent that you might as well just beg to suck my dick and eat my bodily waste, so that maybe an iota of my greatness could pass onto you.
When I was fourteen, I used to suffer pinworm infection. One day, I was taking a bath. I must have eaten something weird back then, and I suddenly felt my bowels bubbling. Before I realized a thing, hot, brown stream of diarrhea filled my bathtub and mixed with water, and the worst thing was, many pinworms and their eggs were swimming and wiggling in brown water. I almost swallowed one. So I jumped out of the bathtub, screaming and crying, all covered with shit and pinworms. This alarmed my parents, who filled some bowls with fresh water and splashed it at me. I was standing in the bathroom naked, wet, cold, all in tears, shit and pinworms...
After that, I refused to take a bath for about a month. My folks finally got pissed and replaced the bathtub with a shower cabin. It helped a bit. But I still had to visit a therapist for two years.
As for now, I'm eighteen, and I've finally got rid of pinworms. But haven't forgotten yet. This was the worst day of my life.
I consider myself Kinsey 6 homosexual. I have literally never felt physical attraction to a woman. When I was a baby, I nearly starved before my parents figured out they'd have to use a bottle because I wouldn't touch a breast.
When I went to school, I literally was unable to see girls. Every day, I would go to class and look around and wonder who all the empty seats were for. I thought the other guys were crazy because they sometimes had arguments with thin air.
When I went to high school, I joined the football AND swim teams so I could spend more time in the locker rooms. It wasn't really the nudity-- I had porn-- but the *smell* of the dicks that I was going for.
That's why, in the Navy, I took laundry duty every chance I got. I fantasized about our instructor taking me in, adopting me, and having me as a live-in maid.
Naturally, I picked up AIDS somewhere along the line. Some seedy bath house, I guess.
Right now, I'm teaching a men's rights class.
Yet this post and its poster is somehow gayer than me.
Since /a/ is terrible right now I'm bringing down the law. From this point onwards, it is FORBIDDEN to post on /a/ unless you meet all these requirements:
-You have seen AT LEAST 100 anime complete anime series OR read at least 100 complete manga series, OR a combination of the two reaching 100. You are exempt from this rule only if you have a very good excuse that prevents you from downloading that much. (eg, your country's internet is owned by jews). By the way, NO MATTER HOW MANY SERIES you have seen in a SINGLE FRANCHISE, ALL THOSE SERIES ONLY COUNT AS ONE COMBINED. All the sailor moon series COUNT AS ONE SERIES. -You do NOT fap to any kind of real life pictures/fantasy/imagining/presence of men or woman EVER. Again, this rule has the exception of being okay if it was an IMAGE, FANTASY, OR IMAGINING or even PHYSICAL PRESENCE of your little sister that you pleasured yourself to, WHEN SHE WAS UNDER THE AGE OF 13. - You are not, and have never been FEMALE. This rule is NON-NEGOTIABLE under current known sciences. There is the exception that IF and only IF you have SOMEHOW managed to go from being a man to THE LITTLE GIRL, not
-Your favorite anime is not, and you do not believe the greatest anime of all time to be COWBOY BEBOP or EVANGELION. This rule is COMPLETELY NON-NEGOTIABLE. -Your favorite manga is not, and you do not believe the greatest manga of all time is ANY OF THE BIG THREE. This clause is also COMPLETELY NON-NEGOTIABLE unless of course it's One Piece that is your favorite manga/the manga you believe is the best of all time, in which case, IT IS ALSO NON-NEGOTIABLE. -Your favorite character in Umineko no Naku Kori ni is not, NOR EVER WAS OR WILL BE, Ange nor any of the FEMALE fantasy furniture characters. Ange is a goth whore. -You do not visit /b/ or /r9k/ EVER, FOR ANY REASON. -You do not use any /b/ memes EVER, FOR ANY REASON. -You DO NOT have a job. WITH THE SOLE EXCEPTION that the job in question is used ONLY to fund the purchase of ANIME, VN or MANGA RELATED GOODS. Playing an MMORPG COUNTS AS A JOB YOU GODDAMN WOWFAG. -You do not EVER support DUBBING LICENSE COMPANIES by purchasing their goods, EVEN IF THE MAJORITY BELIEVE SAID DUB IN SUPERIOR TO THE SUB. If you MUST acquire dubbed goods they must be PIRATED. NEVER, EVER BUY GOODS THAT INCLUDE A DUB. This is to prevent SUPPORTING the completely terrible DUBBING INDUSTRY and to decrease the number of CEASE AND DESIST notices being sent out. - Speaking of dubs, THE MAJORITY OF SHOWS YOU WATCH MUST BE SUBBED, NOT DUBBED. - You have DO NOT make or participate in ROULETTE or GET threads.
- You do not, NOR HAVE EVER, possessed a Facebook or Myspace account. These ALSO count as MMORPGs, violating the JOB rule. If you are in DOUBLE VIOLATION I will NOT be lenient. - You do not participate in FORUMS. NO FORUM IS EXEMPT FROM THIS RULE, but the following cause a DOUBLE VIOLATION: gaiaonline, animesuki and crunchyroll. - You do not attend ANIME CONVENTIONS, UNLESS THEY ARE IN JAPAN. Nor do you COSPLAY outside these ANIME CONVENTIONS. - Speaking of Japan, You must NOT be BORN AND RAISED as a JAPANESE citizen. Please use your APPROPRIATE anime communication area, 2chan or 2ch. - Your anime player MUST be ZOOMPLAYER or MEDIA PLAYER CLASSIC with the codec packs CCCP and COREAVC. I will ONLY tolerate exceptions if your operating system DOES NOT SUPPORT these players fully. ADDITIONALLY, you will incur DOUBLE PENALTY if your media player is VLC. -You MUST NOT reveal your power level. I will grudgingly accept an exception to this ONLY IF the ONLY ones you are revealing your power level to ALSO DO NOT VIOLATE ANY OF THESE OFFICIAL RULES. I will NOT be lenient in in disciplinary action if you CLAIM that your power reveal-ee WAS IN VIOLATION OF THESE RULES, WITHOUT YOUR OWN KNOWLEDGE. - At least HALF your time must be dedicated to ANIME, MANGA or VN-RELATED ACTIVITIES. This INCLUDES time you take to sleep. This means AT LEAST 12 HOURS A DAY. - Have fun!
We can all have a fulfilling experience as long as ALL OF YOU follow by MY rules. Any other rules are FAKE and do not have my EXPLICIT approval, NOR DO I PLAN TO GIVE APPROVAL TO THIRD PARTY RULES IN FUTURE.
Also, an extra note for FANSUBBERS: I have officially COPYWRITED "shit" encoding techniques including BUT NOT LIMITED TO: UPSCALING, XVID ENCODING, HARDSUBBING and UNCHAPTERED RELEASES. If you encode by these methods you are ILLEGALLY violating my INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY and I WILL NOT HESITATE TO DEMAND COMPENSATION VIA FULL EXTENT OF THE LAW.
you are a fucking pathetic little faggot bitch, and i want you to come to my house and spew the same bullshit you post in here to my face.
oh wait,i dont need to worry about you coming to my house because you would never do it. youll just continue to sit behind a fucking computer screen and act like fucking mike tyson to every guy you meet, when in reality you are a fat virgin neckbeard loser with cheeto dust in his beard and a pillow with a hole in it that you fuck every night
seriously, its so god damn pathetic to just watch people like you. like, i want to try to be angry at you, but honestly i just want to be your friend out of pity because i know you dont have any besides the friends on your wow account.
you should honestly just draft up a suicide note right now and continue adding to it every day little by little as the failures of your life pile up day after day and you wil finally have an entire book worth of your failures and can finally kill yourself and make your family and online friends happy.
of course, you would probably fuck it up and miss your brain stem so you have to shoot yourself in the head 2-3 times while in agony to go out like a wounded dog, or you will try to mix bleach and ammonia but the room will be a bit too ventilated so you weel literally feel the chlorine gas burning away the lining of your lungs and suffer in horrific, unfathomable agony for 5 minutes as you literally burn and melt from the inside out after you start vomiting up your own lungs and liquefied lung begins pouring out of your nose and you slowly suffocate to death.
Why are you such an idiot? You jaundiced jumped up, vercordiously pusillanimous piffle. Your vileseome existence nauseates me beyond compare. It is politically correct when discussing your faults to use certain words to denote your humanness above your disability. But in your case, there is nothing human. You are just challenged, you are just different. Given a choice of stepping in something nasty on the sidewalk, or bidding you good morning, I would happily choose the former. Single-handedly, you have wrenched all meaning out of life. Congratulations. As I write this I try vainly to think of something, anything, which redeems in some small way your utterly pointless existence. The only thing that comes to mind is that you have taught me hate. Pure, unmitigated hate. I have had fantasies about attacking you with a machete, but I dare not. I once cut up a starfish, which was so neurologically simple that each piece grew into a clone of the original. Your coleopteron brain no doubt shares certain appalling similarities with such creatures. You, misguided as you are, might be asking yourself what you have done to deserve such a letter as this. Your misdeeds and villainous vampings can be described in just two words: you exist. And believe me, there is no reason on earth why you should. How do you justify to yourself waking up each morning and ruining yet another day? If everything in this world has some purpose, some grand plan behind its existence, then yours surely is to show everything else, whether it be a slops bucket in a fried chicken stand, or the gunk behind the fridge, how fortunate it is not to be you. I have tried, but clearly, I have failed. I must stand firm to the realisation that mere words cannot express my utmost and profound contempt and loathing for your person, your being and your existence. You are a blight against nature.
You're all Hitler. >Kubizek described Hitler as a night owl who slept till noon, would go out for walks taking in all the sights, then stay up late discussing his ideas on everything from social reform to city planning. Hitler made no effort to get a regular job, considering himself far above that.
>Kubizek also recalled Hitler displayed an increasingly unstable personality with a terrible temper. At times he was quite reasonable but he was always prone to sudden outbursts of rage especially when he was corrected on anything. He had no real interest in women, preferring to keep away from them and even smugly rebuffed those who showed any interest in him.
>Hitler was also prone to sudden bursts of inspiration and had many interesting ideas but never finished anything he started. Whether composing his own opera or redesigning the city of Vienna, he would start with much enthusiasm and work hard, only to eventually lose interest.
>Hanish recalled Hitler as undisciplined and moody, always hanging around the men's home, eager to discuss politics and often making speeches to the residents. He usually flew into a rage if anyone contradicted him.
And I'm not talking about Edo Tensei Uchiha Madara. I'm not talking about Gedou Rinne Tensei Uchiha Madara either. Hell, I'm not even talking about Juubi Jinchuuriki Gedou Rinne Tensei Uchiha Madara with the Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan and Rinnegan doujutsus (with the rikodou abilities and being capable of both Amateratsu and Tsukuyomi genjutsu), equipped with his Gunbai, a perfect Susano'o, control of the juubi and Gedou Mazou, with Hashirama Senju's DNA implanted in him so he has mokuton kekkei genkai and can perform yin yang release ninjutsu while being an expert in kenjutsu and taijutsu. I'm NOT Talking about sagemode sage of the six paths Juubi Jinchuuriki Gedou Rinne Tensei Super Saiyan 4 Uchiha Madara with the Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan, Rinnegan, Mystic Eyes of Death Perception, and Geass doujutsus, equipped with Shining Trapezohedron while casting Super Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann as his Susanoo, controlling the Gold Experience Requiem stand, having become the original vampire after Alucard, able to tap into the speedforce, wearing the Kamen Rider Black RX suit and Gedou Mazou, with Hashirama Senju's DNA implanted in him so he has mokuton kekkei genkai and can perform yin yang release ninjutsu while being an expert in kenjutsu and taijutsu and having eaten Popeye's spinach. I'm talking about sagemode sage of the six paths Juubi Jinchuuriki Gedou Rinne Tensei Legendary Super Saiyan 4 Uchiha Madara with the Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan, Rinnegan, Mystic Eyes of Death Perception, and Geass doujutsus, equipped with his Shining Trapezohedron while casting Super Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann as his Susanoo, controlling the Gold Experience Requiem stand, having become the original vampire after having absorbed Alucard as well as a God Hand, able to tap into the speedforce, with Kryptonian DNA implanted in him and having eaten Popeye's spinach while possessing quantum powers like Dr. Manhattan and having mastered Hokuto Shinken.
Is there a character that could even possibly TOUCH Yhwach? Let alone defeat him?
And I’m not talking about the Yhwach that fought Yamamoto and his over 1,000,000 fahrenheit Zanka No Tachi Bankai a 1,000 years ago during the first Shinigami/Quincy War.
Hell, I’m not even talking about Yhwach after performing Auswahlen after 990 years of being sealed away and just receiving his intellect. I’m talking about Yhwach and his Schrift, the "Almighty" with the 2nd iris (which gives him omnipotence and clairvoyance into the distant future allowing him to see everything in the world as well as the events that will unfold), his 3rd iris (which grants him the ability to make all the powers of his SternRitter army, Shinigami and Xcutioners his own power such as Gremmy's Schrift, the "Visionary" which can make imagination a reality, Aizen's Kyoka Suigetsu which can cause illusions and Tsukishima's BotE which inserts one's presence into the memories of someone allowing the person to manipulate you) and the power boost of Auswahlen which could change the balance of power to him making him even more powerful, equipped with his Reishi sword (capable of cutting down Yamamoto, the strongest Shinigami of the Seireitei, in half effortlessly) and a giant Reishi bow, Sankt Bogen because he is a master in the Quincy art of using bows and arrows without even using his bows physically, his Blut Arterie (that can make his already powerful sword strikes stronger), his Blut Vene (which grants him protection from Bankai-level attacks), his Blut Vene Anhaben (which can effortlessly block any powerful Hado, even from the RG and its strongest Shinigami, Hyosube Ichibei) and his four Elite Guard Stern Ritter powered up by Auswahlen (allowing them to use their true Schrift) guarding him and Haschwalth and Uryu at his side (Haschwalth who can literally tip the balance of the battle towards his favor and Uryu,who has a power that SURPASSES Yhwach's power).
>Whats the sickest/most devious thing you've ever done? Well, about a year back I had an onahole that I used to use several times a day which I never washed.
After around six months of use the outside of it was covered in yellow slime and I'd get green and brown shit on my dick when using it so I decided to throw it out.
Roughly three months after throwing it out I noticed a strange smell behind my shed (which was directly behind my dustbins), turns out I missed the bin when throwing it out and the onahole was now covered in maggots and mold.
Rather than throw it out I decided to do something rather mean with it instead.
For a brief period earlier this year there were threads on /jp/ where people would beg for free things from other /jp/sies, and after a while word of it got out to other boards and eventually tumblr, which led to said threads being full of the worst people imaginable.
Now, I'm not typically a mean guy, but I just couldn't turn down a chance like this.
I asked if anybody wanted some Nendoroids (plastic chinese toys) and I got plenty of responses, one of which was a hispanic girl with a homestuck meme in her email address.
I promptly packaged up my rotting maggot-filled Onahole in a box stuffed full of paper and paid for 24 hour postage just so that I could get the reaction I was after sooner.
After two days of waiting I finally received an email about it. The reaction was not what I expected.
Turns out the girl herself was underage (14y/o according to the angry parents that sent the email), and she also had a very poor immune system.
Now this is where it gets strange. Apparently the parents found the girl naked & unconscious lying in vomit and shit, according to them the girl tried to eat the "contents" of the "rotten food" (which I can only assume means she tried to eat the maggots and sperm that were inside it when I shipped it off to her) and she had to be hospitalised because of it.
From what I heard from the parents, the girl had convinced them that she thought it was novelty food. Now, I don't know about you but as soon as I read that I thought it was bullshit, so I replied to their email inquiring about the story.
The next reply was from the girl herself, claiming that she wasn't allowed to talk to me anymore because the police found "traces of semen" inside the "thing" I sent her and they were investigating it; so I stopped replying to her hoping that I wouldn't get the FBI knocking at my door over this juvenile prank.
Fortunately for me, nobody ever did show up, and I heard nothing about it for quite a while. That is, until around a month ago, when I received an email from her asking how I was doing.
At first I didn't reply, but after receiving several emails from her I replied, asking what she wanted.
Now you'll never believe this, but she wanted me to send her "more like that thing". At first I thought it was just a trap as they never did find me, but eventually she started getting more and more demanding over it, to the point that she was actually offering to trade things like a pair of dirty panties in exchange.
Realising that I would be in deep shit if I let this progress further I decided to ask her to stop and told her that it was just a prank, and that I didn't want to get involved with a kid like her.
After ignoring her emails for a while she finally stopped, until last week when she sent me a thousand word-long email talking about how she was feeling suicidal over her dirty feelings and how after reading a story about maggots on the internet she realised that there was something wrong with her, something that her faith in god couldn't fix.
So she begged me to send her something really filthy, so "dirty and vile" that she'd get really sick and wouldn't have to deal with those feelings anymore.
I haven't replied since, and I don't know if should, but yeah, this is probably the most fucked up thing I've ever done. I was almost tempted to track down her parents and contact them over this, but I decided against it as I didn't want to end up in jail over this shit.
I am lying naked on a beach on some deserted island. The sun is beating down on me, warming my breasts and stomach. My ass is cradled in the warm sand. Sweat runs down my thighs and into my crotch teasing me, making me think of sex, sex in the abstract.
Right now, I don't want the bother of finding a man, dealing with his emotions, I just want those wonderful sensations, the weight on top of me, a warm tongue slurping up my **** juices, hands on my breast, a warm cock sliding in and out of me. I need a good simple ****. Oooh, my fingers must have gotten me too excited because I can feel myself coming again, my ass bucking up and down on the beach, the depths of my **** pulsing with pleasure!
There's a noise out over the water. It's a dolphin chattering away flipping its nose at me. Dolphins are such sensitive, sensual creatures. They pick up on emotions easily because of their intelligence. Their bodies are warm and just the right width to put your legs around as they swim bumping along. How embarrassing! The animal has probably caught onto my state and knows how much I lust!
Well, there's no harm in playing around with it. Who's to know? No fear of pregnancy, it sure would be good to feel the sperm shooting up inside of me, filling me to overflowing without having to worry about getting knocked up. Oooh, I bet they've got long, beautiful, uncircumcized cocks which they skillfully use on female dolphins, thrashing and cumming in the warm water! Why not give it a try?
I get in the water, it's just below body temperature. The salt bouys me up. I yell at the dolphin, "hey get over here sexy" and he sees me waving. I'm treading water as he swims over, bumps my knees apart with his nose. He playfully bumps up and down as he swims through my legs. My puss slaps against his strong, sleek body. Unnhnh, he's got me hot.
The dolphin swims backwards with powerful strokes that lift his body out of the water. Is that his cute dick peeping its red head out? I sure hope he gets a hard on. I'm going to need it if he keeps on like this. He swims along behind me, bopping me in the ass with his head. I slide over his body, my feet getting caught by his front fins as he swims along. The warm water shoots over my legs and under my **** as we zip along.
He surfaces and whaddya know, his blow hole is right under my clit! It tickles as he breathes water and air out and then sucks air in. He dips down, takes in some water and shoots it at my clit again. I rub my pussy along his smooth back, I'm sooo horny, his breath on my clit, it's, oh it's making me cummmm! I'm out of control! I'm spasming up and down as he's teasing me!
He ducks under the water and starts lapping my pussy with his big strong tongue, poking at me with his long nose. Oh, he's got me in a state of perpetual cum! My **** is so wet and swollen, I could take him no problem. He swims backwards away and, as he gets halfway out of the water, his big 8" dick pops, pink above the surface of the water. "Ohhh, I must have it, give it to me!", I yell at him.
He swims upside down under me popping up so he's facing me. The animal is panting and has that big dolphin smiley grin. He must know what's coming next too. I can feel his big cock resting between my ass cheeks and along my ****. I slide along his smooth cock, my arms around his strong body as he keeps upright with powerful underwater slaps of his tail. I reach down and feel the bulb tip of it, guide it up into me, to fill me up.
He slides strong into me and the feeling of his cock bucking around inside me brings me to the brink of a cum. I hold off as long as I can, sliding up and down his beautiful dick. His eyes bug out, a gutteral chattering sound comes from his throat, a high pitched squeal, then I feel his cock throbbing. He shoots gallons of cum into me and the feeling pushes me over the brink, into a thrilling pulsing cum!
The dolphin and I disentangled as his cock shrunk and slipped out of me. He nuzzled his nose into my breasts, rubbed against me for a while (I probably would have sunk from exhaustion if he hadn't held me up), then he swam away.
My best friend went over my house and he was saying that he watched the History Channel so I asked him who was his favorite guy there, so then he said it was Giorgio Tsoukalos. So I said, "You know I have the same looks as him." He said, "Hahaha, you do, that's fucked up. You look like a total faggot. Why don't you just suck my dick while telling me conspiracy theories about ancient aliens?" We both laughed and then I said, "You know with a little work, I could actually look like Giorgio for you." Then everything went silent and he gave me a look that could kill. But I just kept going. "Yeah, I could let my hair grow out, put on a suit, and... I could pretend to be Giorgio for you, if you wanted me to."
Then I suddenly realized what I just said to him and stopped talking. It was the most awkward moment ever in my life. My friend just stared with no expression on his face. Then after a few seconds, I made a weak laugh and said, "Yeah. That was pretty gay," then I cleared my throat, went back to the couch, and we watched TV without talking. Minutes later, he said he had to go and it wasn't even late. I said, "Oh okay," with another weak laugh. He said that he had to go somewhere tomorrow but I knew the real reason. Now my friend thinks I'm gay for him. What do?
My best friend went over my house and he was saying that he watched My Little Pony so I asked him who was his favorite character, so then he said Pinkie Pie. So I said, "You know I have the same happy-go-lucky personality as her." He said, "Hahaha, you do, that's fucked up. Why don't you act more like a man instead of a crazy faggot?" We both laughed and then I said, "You know with a little work, I could actually become Pinkie Pie for you." Then everything went silent and he gave me a look that could kill. But I just kept going. "Yeah, I could get a fursuit, train my voice to be perky, tattoo a cutie mark on the side of my butt, and... I could pretend to be Pinkie Pie for you, if you wanted me to."
Then I suddenly realized what I just said to him and stopped talking. It was the most awkward moment ever in my life. My friend just stared with no expression on his face. Then after a few seconds, I made a weak laugh and said, "Yeah. That was pretty gay," then we went back to the couch and we watched TV without talking. Minutes later, he sat beside me and held me close. I felt my cheeks burn. He then pulled down my pants and boxers and rammed his thing inside me while we watched the news. I'll never forget that night.
So as a joke, I went to my friend's house while wearing KKK's uniform. However, to my surprise, he had the same idea and came out wearing Nazi uniform too. We could barely stop our laughter as our cheeks burned and we looked at our guns from with a bit of drool in our mouths. The way he stared made me feel a bit funny too, but I decided to go to a nigger district and shoot me some bix nood. He asked me, "Are you serious?" and I said, "Yup."
He went silent for what seemed like forever, so I asked him, "What's the matter?" He said he's confused, but then his hatred for subhuman races got really hard, which made me take him with me. I expected him to scream, "Stop!" as I shot some stupid nigger and stomped on a kike woman, but he instead shouted, "kill more of those subhumans" which made me get a boner myself. Before I knew it, the entire street was full of nigger and Jew corpses.
His semen was so thick, it got stuck inside my throat no matter how hard I swallowed. He then asked, "Can I please fuck you, Toshiyuki?" and seeing that we've already gone that far and we were both naked, I obliged. He admitted, "I'm a bad girl! I want to suck your cock so badly!" A few hours later, the jerk went all pale and said to me, "Why did we do that? Now I'm totally gay." But he looked so cute all confused like that, so I took pity on him and reassured while wiping his cum off my face, "Can't we all just get along?"
My best friend went over my house and he was saying that he was reading Bleach so I asked him if he liked Kubo, and he said that he was one of his favourite mangaka. So I said, "You know I have the same looks as him." He said, "Hahaha, you do, that's fucked up. You look like a total faggot. Why don't you just suck my dick while drawing characters with no backgrounds?" We both laughed and then I said, "You know with a little work, I could actually look like Kubo for you." Then everything went silent and he gave me a look that could kill. But I just kept going. "Yeah, I could let my hair grow out, put on sunglasses, and... I could pretend to be Kubo for you, if you wanted me to."
Then I suddenly realized what I just said to him and stopped talking. It was the most awkward moment ever in my life. My friend just stared with no expression on his face. Then after a few seconds, I made a weak laugh and said, "Yeah. That was pretty gay," then I cleared my throat, went back to the couch, and we read bleach together without talking. Minutes later, he said he had to go and it wasn't even late. I said, "Oh okay," with another weak laugh. He said that he had to go somewhere tomorrow but I knew the real reason. Now my friend thinks I'm gay for him. What do?
My best friend went over my house and he was saying that he played MGQ so I asked him who was his favorite monstergirl, so then he said Alice. So I said, "You know I have the same hairstyle as her." He said, "Hahaha, you do, that's fucked up. You look like a total girl. Why don't you just cut it off and get a real man's hair cut?" We both laughed and then I said, "You know with a little work, I could actually look like Alice for you." Then everything went silent and he gave me a look that could kill. But I just kept going. "Yeah, I could dye my hair, cosplay, and even... I could pretend to be Alice for you, if you wanted me to."
Then I suddenly realized what I just said to him and stopped talking. It was the most awkward moment ever in my life. My friend just stared with no expression on his face. Then after a few seconds, I made a weak laugh and said, "Yeah. That was pretty gay," and we watched TV without talking. Minutes later, he said he had to go and it wasn't even late. I said, "Oh okay," with another weak laugh. He said that he had to go somewhere tomorrow but I knew the real reason. Now my friend thinks I'm gay for him. What do?
Imagine being Arnold in that scene and having to be all like "damn, Jamie Curtis, you fuckin' fine, all sexy with your tight body and horrific androgynous monster face. I would totally have sex with you, both my character and the real me." when all he really wants to do is fuck another 16 year old in his dressing room. Like seriously imagine having to be Arnold and not only sit in that chair while Jamie Lee Curtis flaunts her disgusting body in front of you, the favorable lighting barely concealing her stretchmarks and leathery skin, and just sit there, take after take, hour after hour, while she perfected that dance. Not only having to tolerate her monstrous fucking visage but her haughty attitude as everyone on set tells her she's STILL GOT IT and DAMN, JAMIE LEE CURTIS LOOKS LIKE *THAT*?? because they're not the ones who have to sit there and watch her mannish fucking gremlin face contort into types of grimaces you didn't even know existed before that day. You've been fucking nothing but a healthy diet of blondes and supermodels and later alleged rape victims for your ENTIRE CAREER coming straight out of the boonies in Austria. You've never even seen anything this fucking disgusting before, and now you swear you can taste the sweat that's breaking out on her dimpled stomach as she sucks it in to writhe it suggestively at you, smugly assured that you are enjoying the opportunity to get paid to sit there and revel in her "statuesque (for that is what she calls herself)" beauty, the beauty she worked so hard for with personal trainers in the previous months. And then the director calls for another take, and you know you could kill every single person in this room before the studio security could put you down, but you sit there and endure, because you're fucking Arnold. You're not going to lose your future political career over this. Just bear it. Hide your face and bear it.
Everybody dies someday. That's why we aren't trying to live as long as possible, we're trying to die correctly. And I just think that looking back on a life filled with 4chan would be a very sad thing. Same with videogames, really. Looking back on a life filled with reading, or a life where you created something, or a life where you mastered something- all of that I could die with. At least you would have done something with your mind. You either built something inside or outside of it, but you put in some effort and built something. If you spend your life here, you're going to keep seeing the same posts, the same meta threads, the same feels, the same shit with slight variations over and over again. You will not learn anything. Time will move faster and faster as you become the master of an unchanging routine. That's why years stretched so much longer as children, because we spent so much more time learning things. The lack of diversity in your life will make months seem like weeks, and cause years to go by terrifyingly fast. You will fucking die one day. I can't guarantee you can live with other people and so I won't tell you to. I can't guarantee you'll be happy. I'm just promising that if you get out of this shithole, then one day, maybe soon or maybe twenty years off, you will feel a little bit more satisfied with yourself. If you're miserable and don't care anymore, fine. There are faster and more dignified ways to kill yourself than spending your time here.
>>120100919 >I am lying naked on a beach on some deserted island. The sun is beating down on me, warming my breasts and stomach. My ass is cradled in the warm sand. Sweat runs down my thighs and into my crotch teasing me, making me think of sex, sex in the abstract.
orright me mates!!! just an update from your ole pal kaiser willie on the latest willywagglin tips n tricks of the trade!!! so i was reading the beano me mates and i read about a competition to meet dennis the menace in beanoland!!!oh man me mates i was poofed!!! i walked into me mummy and daddys room to ask permission to use the internet when i was setupon by a hideous sight!!!my mummy...was swallowing my daddys willy!!!!!!aaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
at first i was horrified!!!cant mummies and aunties let us boys have our willies?cannot a man waggle in peaceth?i was considering the pre-emptive genocide of all women when i discovered my mummy was just giving my daddy a "blow job"!!!!!!!oh man me matesnow this is a new development in waggling your willy!!!just use one of your mates mouths until you reach fulljoy and shoot willy juice!!!cumon me mates, lets blow eachothers willies in me treehouse.!!!!aaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THIS IS PLEASURE 2.0!!!!!!!!!!!!iM FEELIN THE WILLYFEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMY WILLYHASNEVERBEENSOPLEASURED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!wWWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!.....icum in your mouth matey...ahhh..relief!!!!
thanks for stickin around this update me mates, cheerio pippip!!Im off for round 2. w/ me cousins!!!
Spammer, you just reminded me of a book i read in middle school. Twisted I think. Ty.
>>120101162 >Imagine being Arnold in that scene and having to be all like "damn, Jamie Curtis, you fuckin' fine, all sexy with your tight body and horrific androgynous monster face. I would totally have sex with you, both my character and the real me." it was this
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